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IF……………..

February 2nd, 2012 by admin

Children Learn What They Live

Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

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Ever Felt Stuck Like This?

January 23rd, 2012 by admin

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The Magdalen Arms

July 8th, 2011 by admin

The Magdalen Arms, Iffley Road Oxford. 01865 243159

Now clearly it would seem obvious that I would want to promote a relatively local and new gastro-pub enterprise. BUT this is not one of those ‘for the sake of it’ cases. I have been waiting to find somewhere consistently brilliant to eat in our area for years and heard about the above a few weeks ago. Yes I am well behind the times because it opened early last year (!!) but this says more about my being stuck in my ways than anything else.

Anyway, last night we tried it. I was stunned. It was the best meal I have eaten since last in Paris at Chez Andre on the left bank and that was so memorable I can still conjure up the flavours in my mouth to this day. I have tried to re-create that menu many times in my own kitchen – never quite matching it of course, but nearly. I know a bit about cooking, both my granny and mother having been Cordon Bleu trained to different degrees. I also know how important the role of the environment is to the experience of eating. The Magdalen Arms hits ALL the buttons – and particularly mine!

I had deep-fried cornish squid with aioli followed by mustard rabbit, pureed broad beans and new potatoes sautéed with spring onions and hispi gabbage. Everything was freshly prepared and cooked – quite exquisite. A feast also for the eyes! I won’t go on about each honest morsel, just trust me it was the best!

We’d had a drink in the pub garden before the meal and left our jackets on chairs to denote ‘ownership’ (no reservations in the bar and the restaurant was fully booked). On our return we found two little duralex water glasses and a wonderful old pichet (german with vines and leaves around the bowl, wide lip and a few chips in the base), a small basket of thinly sliced, very fresh, coarse breads and fabulous Normandy (my guess) butter. A lovely welcome.

The service throughout was friendly, authoritative and appropriate at all times.

The place itself (ex ‘Victorian working man’s’ pub) combines rustic/bistro and vintage/homely a la N-N/East London. Not pretentious just stylish and completely comfortable with itself. So of course the people eating and drinking in it also felt comfortable – and so did we.

I want to go at least once a week and at around £50/60 for two which included a really good bottle of vin de Pays D’Oc (no pudding but they looked amazing), we may very well do this.

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Summer celebrations

July 1st, 2011 by admin

Having celebrated this summer’s solstice down by the river Thames last Sunday evening with friends, summery poems and readings, sparkling wines and a good number of delightful nibbles (the food-fest part of our midsummer revels gets increasingly various as the years go by!), I can confirm Summer is truly here!

Sweet-peas are blooming in abundance and lavender spikes are as fat as I’ve ever seen. It’s also been the best for roses in my garden: hundreds of gorgeous blooms hanging heavy on bended boughs, intoxicating scents, rich reds and pinks, yellows and whites. I’ve even got one called Penny Lane (my maiden name!), which died in the hard winter but has started to grow again (how symbolic!). Hollyhocks are beginning to bloom and purple-red poppies are just forming their seed pods. And…..it’s time for a party!

Here is the most amazing recipe for Cold Curried (Coronation) Chicken:

Cold Curried (Coronation) Chicken

Serves 8-10 (so can be doubled or tripled as I have just done for a party)
2x 1.5 kg fresh free-range chicken, with giblets
ground black pepper and lemon juice or/and salt
1 celery stick
1 carrot
handful of herbs
chicken stock cube (organic, free range)
1 lb rice (basmati, long grain, short grain, white or brown- whatever you like best)

Sauce

4 tblspns oil
2 medium onions
2 tblspns good quality curry powder
300mls white wine (fragrant/fruity rather than too dry)
150 ml stock
1 X 411g can apricots strained
600 ml mayonnaise
juice of 1 lemon
150 ml whipping cream, whipped

Garnish

100g flaked almonds, toasted
Fresh coriander

Method

Rinse and wipe the chooks then put them in a roasting tin half filled with water, stock cube, carrot, celery and handful of herbs, sprinkle liberally with pepper and a squirt of lemon juice/salt. Cover the whole tin in foil. Bring to the boil on the top of the cooker then roast/boil in the oven (200+ degrees) for an hour or so.

Cool the chicken in the liquid. Lift out and remove the meat from the bones, taking care to keep some good-sized bits intact. Reserve 150 ml of the stock (it’ll be jellied when cool) for the sauce and use the rest (top up with water if necessary) to cook the rice in. Then let the rice cool.

To make the sauce, heat the oil and fry the onion until transparent and softened, not brown. Add the curry powder (mmm – fab. smell!) and cook for 2 minutes, stirring all the time (don’t risk it sticking/burning at all – it’ll ruin the taste).

Add the wine, stock and season to taste. Cook uncovered, stirring occasionally, for 10 minutes, then blend or process until smooth. Strain and cool.

Puree 8/9 of the apricot halves and stir into the sauce.

Stir in the mayonnaise. Add the lemon juice. Fold in the whipped cream and then the chicken meat. Put this gorgeous mixture onto a bed of rice and sprinkle with the toasted almonds (you can mix these into the mixture if you prefer) and sprigs of fresh coriander. Chill in the fridge but make sure it’s not too cold when you serve it. It needs to be just cooler than room temperature (not more than 18 degrees) to allow all the flavours to come alive in the mouth. Enjoy.

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Wizard of Oz

April 27th, 2011 by admin

Dorchester on Thames Festival,

The Wizard of Oz - Dorothy
Dorchester on Thames,
Oxfordshire

This promises to be really worth seeing.

• Amazing cast with full orchestra.
• By arrangement with Musicscope and Stage Musicals Ltd of New York
• £15 adults and £7.50 under 16’s
• Tickets at www.dorchesterfestival.com and 0300 030 3003

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Chorizo and Bean Stew

February 17th, 2011 by admin

Something spicy for at least 2 greedy people and some left over!

I Chorizo sausage, chopped into 2cm chunks (can be diagonal if you feel like it)
4 pork spare ribs, roasted in hot oven with salt and pepper until cooked (20 mins or longer as necessary),
2 tins cannellini beans, opened (!)
2 onions, peeled and sliced
2 cloves garlic, peeled, crushed and chopped
1 tin of tomatoes, opened (!)
4 fresh tomatoes, skinned, de-seeded and quartered
2 tbspns tomato puree
2 glasses of basic red wine
1 bunch of thyme, parsley and bay, tied together with some cotton.
Large handful of fresh white breadcrumbs OR use one or two pitta bread (white or brown, torn into small bits) if that’s all you’ve got and just whizz in a grinder/chopper.

Method

The idea is to layer beans and meaty, onion/tomato mixture in an earthenware or cast iron pot: 3 layers of beans and two of mixture, ending in beans with a breadcrumb top.

So – in a big/deep pan, fry the onions until soft in some olive oil. Add the chorizo and fry ‘til the red (paprika) juices flow. Add the garlic, tomatoes and red wine. Simmer, until reduced. This intensifies the flavours. Remove from the heat.

Put one third of the beans in the cooking pot. Then place two ribs and half the chorizo mixture on top, then more beans, then the other two ribs and the rest of the chorizo mixture, finishing with the last of the beans.

Push the bunch of herbs into the middle of the mixture, leaving the stalks just sticking out for removal, later. Add boiling water (with an organic chicken stock cube if you want extra flavour/salt) to just under the top of the mixture.

Sprinkle the breadcrumbs over the top. Put the lid on the pot and bring to the boil on the top of the oven. Then place in a simmering oven (300F ‘ish) for at least 1½ hours. It should come out thickened and smelling wonderful with the crumb top having absorbed some juices and gone brown and a bit crispy. If it isn’t, take the lid off and cook a little longer in a hotter oven, just to finish it off – but take care there are still enough of the juices in the stew to keep it moist.

This stew can be left in a low oven for a good few hours (the crust just gets crispier) or can be made the day before and re-heated. Absolutely delicious with loads of dressed, green salad and a good strong bread to mop up the juices.

Clearly can also feed more than two people!

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Multi-tasking or MULTI-MANAGEMENT

February 8th, 2011 by admin

I recently heard an article on the radio about some recent research that confirms that men are just as good at multi-tasking as women it’s just that they choose to avoid doing so through claiming they ‘can’t’. Women have taken the label of being ‘better multi-taskers’ as being complimentary, as a positive role they can fulfil, not taking into account that, of course, many men ‘look down’ on multi-tasking precisely because they ‘can’t’ do it !

Research shows that men and women have both evolved to focus on one thing at a time and that the more we multi-task, the more stressed/anxious we become and the less effective we are across the board, even at multi-tasking! You Tube has some great videos that demonstrate this research – too many to list here but ‘The Myth of Multi-tasking’ brings them up.

Following on from this I have read that more and more women are going to their GPs feeling very low and ‘not coping’ and are being diagnosed as being depressed. An enlightened specialist has found that in fact the majority of these women are actually suffering from anxiety and fear of being unable to cope, which can then lead to depression.

Their anxiety appears to be rooted in the fact that they actually have too much to do, too many people dependent on them and not enough resources, financial and/or social/structural, to manage effectively. The biggest issue is that they interpret their symptoms as meaning there is something wrong with them – after all they are meant to be good at multi-tasking!

The fact is, generally speaking, women are, without a shadow of a doubt required, for whatever reason, to get good at functioning in lots of different roles at lots of different levels. You can call this multi-tasking but I prefer multi-managing.

The keys to being a successful multi-manager are:

Take control. Be more self-aware. Learn to be still.
Train yourself to focus on one thing at a time. Turn of Blackberries and phones.
Be organised: think in an orderly fashion. Prioritise. Use diaries, lists and reminder notes.
Dare to say ‘no’ according to what really matters. Ask ‘do I need to do this?
Value who you are, your skills and your choices.
Increase your knowledge base.

If you are feeling too weak or stuck to do these it does not necessarily mean you are suffering from depression – you just need some support and motivation! Life Coaching is really effective (though I say it myself!). For more info. click on ‘Coaching Defined’.

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Re-assurance

January 19th, 2011 by Penny

At least 15 years ago, when I first read Jenny Joseph’s poem Warning, I remember feeling: ‘Yeah, then I’ll rebel and do what I want to do, when I am old’!!

This was in my ‘deepest motherhood, no money’ period, when I felt very taken for granted and had, what seemed like, few rights of expression or validation, however hard I worked. I was very resentful!

I’d also forgotten that becoming a mother (with no money), had been my choice as much as anyone else’s! (don’t worry, I eventually learnt how to express what I was feeling, took responsibility and got my needs met).

Now I’m a bit older (not ‘old’ though – yet!), I feel quite differently and I’ve written a response to Jenny Joseph’s poem.

My poem: Re-assurance

When I’m an old woman I don’t want to wear purple!

I don’t like it now and I don’t think I’ll change.

It reminds me of faded, Victorian, fringed tablecloths,
musty interiors, dark and quite strange.

Why, when I’m old, should I buck my own values,
my tastes honed and tested, evolved over time?

I am what I am due to trying and refining.

With experience to guide me, I’ll be in my prime!

I won’t want to rebel against social propriety,
Minimal ‘sausage-eating’ or ‘no reading at meals’!

I won’t need to make up for a lifetime of piety
So I won’t have to practice things I don’t actually feel!

Penny Budgen

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The Christmas ‘Crunch’. When it’s all too much!

December 3rd, 2010 by Penny

What to do to make things better for YOU!

Well! Christmas. Some adore it and others hate it. Some don’t do it at all. Some have other celebrations. Whatever happens in your family and household the trick is to decide to ‘own’ it. That is to say resist doing the ‘victim’ thing:

‘poor me, I hate all this, no-one ever appreciates what I do and I’m the only one that makes everything happen!’

Factually this may all seem true BUT investing in it negatively can only make you more miserable! Negativity CAN only breed negativity.

So, instead, replace your negative self-talk with something more empowering. For example:

‘ It might be true that I feel taken for granted AND that’s my choice. I could always tell people in plenty of time which bits I’m prepared to do and ask others what they would like to do. It might also be true that I feel like I do all the work at Christmas AND that’s my choice. I could always start fixing things to happen differently before hand.’

Also asking ourselves the following kind of question can challenge old habits:

‘Is it true that I ‘HAVE’ to do everything because if I don’t other people will make me feel guilty or negative if I complain?’

What if you didn’t complain. What if you simply expressed yourself assertively and clearly stating the evidence and saying how much you’d appreciate more help?

Having recently shared a ‘one-off’ 20 minute session with a client on just these issues I asked her if she’d mind if I published a version of it to illustrate the benefits of being coached on this. She kindly agreed and here it is (names changed for confidentiality).

It’s quite long (although only 15/20 minutes in real time) but well worth the read!

‘Laser’ coaching session with Sue November 2010

Coach: Hello Sue. How’s everything going?

Sue: Oh, great really.

Coach: Smiles

Sue: Well not everything actually. I just need to sort out a few things but something’s stopping me.

Coach: What’s happening that tells you you’ve got an issue?

Sue: Well I’m feeling crap. Work’s chaotic but that’s because we’ve got a new manager and she doesn’t seem to know what’s what. It’s a really stupid time for a new person to start, Christmas. But I guess they had no choice as Clare the last manager just walked out!

Coach: Your work life’s really frustrating and it sounds like you feel there’s not a lot you can do about it at the moment?

Sue: Yes that’s it but I think it’s more about everything. I can’t focus on one thing at a time ‘cos there just are so many things! Christmas looks like it’ll be a nightmare again and it shouldn’t be – I love Christmas! I make everything really nice for everyone. I do the cards, the pressies, the tree and the decorations and all the cooking (except this year I’m going to get a stuffed turkey breast from Sainsbury’s!!). I do all the arranging who’s doing what, where and when. I try so hard to make it all work and get everyone happy but they just never are! I end up feeling tired out. Then they make me feel bad cos I’m grumpy!

Coach: So you try so hard to make Christmas how it should be for you but you reckon it won’t work out again. What do you really want to focus on today?

Sue: Christmas!! I want a better Christmas.

Coach: When was the last time it worked for you?

Sue: Actually it sounds cruel but when Gran died everyone rallied round. People didn’t stick their heals in about what they wanted so much. They seemed to care about each other more. The kids particularly seem so selfish at the moment and I really didn’t bring them up to be like that! I s’pose it’s just like everything today, so spoilt and selfish when we’ve all got so much !

Coach: Just to clarify you’re saying that when your Gran died people were nicer to each other and helped with what needed doing. What made the difference do you think?

Sue: Well it guess everyone somehow knew that when someone is grieving you need to be careful and sensitive to their needs and feelings and, because that applied to all of us, it happened all round.

Coach: (smiling) Not wanting to imply anything (!) what could you take from that time that worked for you and apply it to this Christmas?

Sue: (laughing) Well I wouldn’t want anyone to die but it needs something to happen to get everyone to pull together.

Coach: What sort of thing could that be?

Sue: (still smiling) Well I suppose I could tell everyone where I’m coming from! But I don’t reckon they’d really care! I’ve done everything for so many years keeping my feelings hidden (crying in the bathroom and stuff) in case I’m let down. When I’ve tried to tell Chris he’s been caring enough and offers to help but he just never follows through for me. I know he loves me but he isn’t the sort of person that knows how important it is to show it to me. He works so hard I feel bad asking him. He makes me feel guilty. I should be able to cope. I’m strong!!!

Coach: So it’s very important to you to be strong?

Sue: Yes. Or I feel I’m letting the side down. It’s my role. Oh…….. I see what you’re getting at. Being ‘strong’ means I take all the burdens even when I don’t want to! I see!! And then I moan about it!

Coach: What could you do differently?

Sue: (smiling knowingly) Well I could stop telling myself that ‘carrying everything means I’m strong’. It’s not working for me! Where did I get this idea from? Anyway – instead I could say ‘sticking up for my right for help and consideration’ might make me feel stronger!

Coach: Where did you start believing that your strength as a person lay in carrying everything and that asking for help would make you feel weak?

Sue: I guess from when I was younger and never got the help I needed. I didn’t know what to ask for really. So better not to try than be let down. Had to believe in my own resources.

Coach: What else could you do to make Christmas better for you?

Sue: I could tell myself I’m worth risking people’s wrath and identify what I want them to do and just ask them! Not to be frightened if it’s tricky. I know I can find a way if I really want to. That’s actually my strength! Except do it for me!

Coach: How much do you want this Sue?

Sue: Oh loads cos’ otherwise I’m just not going to cope!

Coach: And coping is very important to you.

Sue: Yup. I hate feeling out of control.

Coach: Right. How and when are you going to do this.

Sue: Now! I’m going to make a list then work out the best way and when to speak to people. This is the best thing for me. I’ve got it now!! Thanks Penny.

Coach: It’s really down to you. As you said your real strength is finding ways through things. Have you got what you wanted? You’ve really cracked it by the sound of it. Well done!!

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Autumn Flapjacks

November 25th, 2010 by Penny

A nice recipe to warm the cockles!

I love flapjacks. You can make them really thick and fat and gooey, or thin and crispy. You can add different bits to make them extra soft or crunchy. Here is my version for this time of year. They taste like crunchy, nutty, toffee apples. Yum!

125g Lurpack unsalted spreadable butter
120 ml clear honey
50g dark brown muscovado, soft sugar
25og whole oats (or rolled will do)

A good handful of roasted and crushed hazlenuts

1 grated apple with skin

Slowly melt the butter with the honey and sugar in a largish pan. When it begins to bubble, take it off the heat. Stir in the oats nuts and apple (grate this straight into the mixture).

Scrape this into a buttered, shallow rectangular tin (18 x 28 cm roughly) and smooth it over with a flat knife (wet this first if the mixture insists on sticking to it). If you want thinner ‘biscuitier’ flapjacks, use a slightly bigger tin.

Bake in a warm oven (180 degrees C), gas mark 4 for around 30 mins. Check at 20 mins. It needs to look well browned but can be browner around the edges if you want it to be crunchier. Carrying cooking according to how you want them – or not.

Cool in the tin for a few minutes. First run a knife around the edges then cut into fingers or squares (your preference). Cool completely before removing from the tin. You can eat them before this of course!